Meet Kristin Hass: The Best Blessed Life

Pain can reshape a life without ever showing on the surface. Michelle sits down with Kristin Hass—a mother, wife, former personal trainer, and caregiver—to unpack what fibromyalgia, Hashimoto’s, and TMJ actually feel like day to day, and how she found strength and boundaries that make life livable. This is a candid, practical talk through misdiagnosis, self-advocacy, and the gritty tools that keep her moving.

We explore how symptoms first showed up as “flu-like” aches, collided with thyroid nodules and jaw dysfunction, and intensified during menopause. Kristen shares the moment a doctor dismissed her pain, the relief of finding a team that believed her, and how procedures like biopsies and arthrocentesis (her “jaw oil change”) ripple through her body for days. She walks us through the coping stack: Epsom salt baths that release the sting, stretching for seconds of relief, acupuncture and TENS with realistic expectations, sleep strategies, and brain fog workarounds using phone notes and spoken reminders.

What stands out is her mindset. She enters each day “armored,” paces tasks before sitting, and refuses to give pain too much oxygen. Babysitting two young kids provides purpose and motivation; short nature walks reset her mood; animals offer wordless support. Kristin also talks about setting firm boundaries, assembling a supportive “tribe,” and teaching her daughters to respect their limits. Her YouTube channel, The Best Blessed Life, extends that mission with simple recipes, movement ideas, and positive affirmations aimed at sustainable health.

If you’re navigating fibromyalgia, Hashimoto’s, TMJ, or any invisible illness, you’ll find support, meaningful connection, and practical solutions here: pacing that prevents crashes, rituals that calm the nervous system, and language for standing up to dismissive care.

Listen, share with someone who needs to feel seen, and leave a review to help more people find these stories.

Transcript

Meet Kristen: Family And Fitness Roots

SPEAKER_00 0:00

How do you live and manage your pain? First is turning pain into strength with your host, published author, and certified health practitioner, Michelle Eberline.

SPEAKER_03 0:15

I'm ready to hear your story. Tell me about yourself. Your name is Kristen Haas.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

Yes, that's my married name. Okay. I've been married for it'll be 28 years this year. Okay. I've been with my husband for 33. Okay. We have two daughters, a 24, almost 25-year-old, and another one that's going to be 22. So, yes, we've been together for a long time. I'm 54, a wife, a mother, a babysit. I used to be a personal trainer and nutrition specialist. So I I try to take as good a care of myself as possible. Yeah. Because of my situation. Obviously, I started, I was actually more physically active, like after I gave birth to my both my kids. Okay. You know, I needed to get in some shape. Some form, you know. Yeah. At some point, you're like, okay, I'm not getting any younger. And I always thought that was a cliche, but it's so true that I need to start maintaining where I'm at now, at least, you know, so my state I've stayed as physically active as possible. And then I found that to be really a joyful time, you know, walking, running, physical activity. I found that very cathartic. Yeah. So I thought, what better way to make a living than to, you know, do something I truly would help me as well as the client, because every client I worked with, I worked out with. I I wasn't on my phone. I I didn't deviate from from paying 100% attention to them and doing the physical activity with them because I would never ask anybody to do something that I wouldn't do myself. Yeah. Or didn't know how to do even. So I stayed physically

Pandemic Shift And New Direction

SPEAKER_02 2:20

fit that way. I was that what personal trainer for 15 years and then pandemic hit. And I didn't look at it the same way, you know, it didn't feel the same. It it wasn't my priority anymore.

SPEAKER_03 2:34

Okay. Like just one day you woke up and it just wasn't.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

I mean, over the time of the, you know, isolation when we're all just packed in like sardines. Oh, the pandemic, yeah. Yeah, it just kind of it kind of just kept seeping into my I kept going, what is it gonna look like now? You know, what if this is what this is, you know? And I'm like, how do I go about you know doing it and feeling right about it when I wasn't even feeling right about just life in general, you know, right?

SPEAKER_03 3:09

You started spiraling a little bit going down the road.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

But you know, you got you got stuck in this, you know, cocoon with just your family members, and it did it did play a large role. And then I was communicating with my clients during those times, and you know, some of them were not on board with wearing masks, and that does it did not feel good for me, so there was it culminated in a few different in a few different things, so yeah, the thing that felt right was to take a step back from it for a little bit, and I haven't been back. So while I feel a part of it is is ingrained in me, it's how I look at life. I I don't feel the need to do it one-on-one personally with another person. Okay, I feel like I would prefer to even like hit the masses a little more, you know. I did start a YouTube channel so that I could at least, you know, get some ideas out there about cooking and okay, working out and all kinds of life

First Symptoms And Thyroid History

SPEAKER_02 4:23

stuff. So, but I started noticing the pain right after I turned about 38. Okay. I was doing personal training professionally at that point. I had just passed my personal training test, and I just started noticing I I was just kind of achy and just didn't feel good, and I felt like I had the flu. Right. A lot of fibro people say it correlates to, which a little bit. But I'm just like, okay, you're running down, you're running around, you're taking care of kids, you're doing all kinds of school, you know, stuff.

SPEAKER_03 5:03

Maybe it's just, you know your body just you know, yelling. Telling you to slow down, right?

SPEAKER_02 5:10

Yeah, telling you to slow down. But it just kept like I'd recuperate for a little bit and then I and I backslide again. Okay. Okay, I'm not comfortable with this, it doesn't feel right, strong. Yeah, like three years before that have been diagnosed with hypothyroidism, even though I've always been, other than my youth when I had the baby fat still, I've always been a very thin person. I think my pregnancies were I was with my first daughter, I weighed 167, I got to 167 pounds, and that's the biggest I've ever been. And I dropped back down to 130, went back up to 160, and then that's when I started working out. Okay. Because I kept the 135, but my body just didn't feel comfortable with that. And then maybe that's what started it to. There were so many things that factored into, you know, they're not sure what far started fibro initially. Some say it's a dormant virus in your system, some say it's Trump, some say it's you know, a car accident, or and I've had all those things. So who knows? I kind of also feel like I've had it my entire life, in a sense.

SPEAKER_03 6:27

I've so the day you got up with the well, when did you go to the doctor after you started feeling like this?

SPEAKER_02 6:34

Oh god, I I went to the doctor many, many times. Okay, I had a male doctor, I went to him, I told him what was happening. I was also going to my dentist because at this time I was also having jaw pain. Oh, okay. But I've always had jaw issues. One of them, I believe, is from a car accident. So where my jaw should have been wired shut, like with my other the other two people that had been in the car. But apparently I acted normal. So I mean, I was only four, so I don't really like what all happened. I just know that my mom and my sister got their jaws wired shut, and I didn't. I ended up just waiting out in the waiting room, and I don't even know if I got fully checked out. I only I don't remember. Oh, I really don't remember. So I feel like it might have started then, but I've also had viruses of had a throat infection that would not go away right around the time that I started becoming a personal trainer. Okay.

Dismissed By A Doctor, Finding Validation

SPEAKER_02 7:45

And yeah, that triggered, maybe triggered something because that's how I really started to feel it, like right around 38. But when 40 hit, I was just a bat, I was just a basket case.

SPEAKER_03 7:58

And you were diagnosed with fibromyalgia at that time.

SPEAKER_02 8:01

No, the doc, the male doctor would not would not diagnose me. He said, What you need to do is go to a therapist because you're depressed. And I said, No, what you don't seem to understand is I'm depressed because I'm in pain. I'm not in pain because I'm depressed. And he kept going, no, you know, you're not listening to me. You're not listening to me. I go, no, you're not listening to me. Right. And then he sent me a letter saying he no longer wanted to see me.

SPEAKER_03 8:30

You were discharged as a patient, you were a difficult patient, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:35

I I sat and cried it in his office, and apparently that was a a no. I go, you don't want to help me, right? And he goes, You don't want to listen to what I'm saying. And I go, Oh, what are you doing? Frustrating, such a frustrating moment. And I to this day will not go to a male doctor, yeah. Trauma. Because, but I also sent him a thank you card when I found my my doctor that I have now that I love. And I said, Oh, thank you for firing me as a patient because I I found somebody that will believe me and listen to me and treat me like a human being. Well, good for you.

SPEAKER_03 9:19

You got the last word in there.

SPEAKER_02 9:22

So good. I bet that card. I'm like, I know it's off-handed or passive aggressive or whatever, but I it's okay. I didn't care at that point. Yeah. So a lot of it, I feel like I felt some of these pains and aches and things for a lot like my whole life. Like my whole life, all growing up. Like felt I always had jaw pain, like I always felt like my jaw would click. Okay. Um, I chewed gum to excess. That couldn't have been any part of it whatsoever.

SPEAKER_03 9:57

No, not at all.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

Not at all, you know, the big chunks that hub of bubba sitting on the side of your mouth, you know, yes. Like you end up chewing on like rubber. Yes. That has nothing to do with it whatsoever. Um but I always felt like I always kept telling, like, I needed to be stretched out, like I didn't feel like my body got to be long enough, so I always felt like my joints had been like shoved up into my body. Okay.

Lifelong Jaw Issues And TMJ Complications

SPEAKER_02 10:30

And then sometimes I would feel totally fine. Okay. Some of it is from growth. I know everybody gets that in a sense, yeah. But it felt like it it kept happening residually, like for my whole life. So, I mean, I never had good periods, those were always horrifying. So, migraines, I've always gotten migraines. Uh, so when this fibro diagnosis came down, I then got diagnosed after that with not only was I hypo, but I was Hashi, I had Hashimoto's. Hashimoto's okay. So, you know, they have to biopsy you every few years to make sure nothing's nothing's changing, yeah. And those biopsies would just wreck me for weeks afterwards. I'd be like the the stress from just like them putting it, you're basically putting a needle in your neck, right? Sawing back and forth, okay, to get little chunks of your thyroid out. Thyroid, yeah. So you what what else can you do in that situation? But tighten up everything, right? Right, yeah, relax, it'll be okay. It won't, it won't, and you can't relax, and they don't, it's not like they go, okay, here's a muscle relaxer, or here do this before you come, or and I mentioned this to my endocrinologist. I'm like, I cannot do these biopsies anymore. Yeah, I they are wrecking me, and I'm not sure if I'm bouncing back to where I should be before you did this, you know. Right, right. And is it really that important? I would rather have it out, to be honest. Um, she actually told me this last time when we did the ultrasound that the nodules have gotten a little bit smaller and stuff. So I'm encouraged by that. And she's like, you don't have to do a biopsy as long as ultrasounds keep coming back pretty normal for normal, yeah, bynormal, whatever that may be.

SPEAKER_03 12:46

But uh the pain from it just exacerbated, you know, everything else, so right, and the anxiety preparing for these biopsies just wrecked your entire body.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

Oh, yes, and it happens every time I go to visit my rheumatologist.

SPEAKER_03 13:05

It's just she can go, okay, she'll do the pressure point tests, and I'll just be like, Yeah, that hurts, and they really push, and it's like they have to, but it it lingers for about two days on me.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

Yeah, that is something that you can't explain to a person that doesn't deal with pain on a daily basis. Like everybody else starts. I mean, I shouldn't say everybody else, everybody's got something majority, yeah. But a good

Procedures, Biopsies, And Aftershock Pain

SPEAKER_02 13:35

portion of people wake up every day, they can sit up, they can do their thing, you know. They don't go to a doctor that tells them, Oh, you're just getting older, don't worry about it. That kind of thing. I got that blow off too, as well. So, but it's like I don't sit up, I kind of lean up, I kind of, you know, kind of give myself a good momentum, but then I don't let it hinder me. Like, I think of my pain level as my I don't want to say superpower, but my your strength, my yeah, I like I go out with a suit of armor on already, like I'm already in beast mode, right? Do not mess with me. I would say that word, but you know you're on a mission. I uh I have to go out there and do what I'm doing, and I have to do the entire thing in in its entirety, and then just sit down. Because then if I sit down before that or if I get too comfortable, you can't finish, and then I feel then I there's guilt factor, right? Yes, so it's like okay, then I'm pushed back a day, right? And then if I overdo it to make up for the two days before then, it's like a schedule, and you gotta do like the reverse math, they call it right. Okay, I'm doing this major lifting of boxes or whatever, or you know, I have to take a long trip, you know, because my daughter goes to school in Iowa. My husband's actually bringing her back right now, but I drove her home five hours there and five hours back.

SPEAKER_03 15:10

There's no way. Oh my goodness. But you gotta do it, you do it.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

Yeah, but I love her and I'm glad when she's home, and I think she's a cool person, so I would go get her from anywhere, but it is taxing, yes, and you pay the price for it, and then I'm just like, okay, how long am I going to be down, or how much time do I need to recuperate? So that has to be factored in. And then I babysit two little kids, five and six, three days a week, and you know, I make the I make the dinners and you know, I help entertain them, and you know, we do all kinds of stuff. So, but I also feel like those two little kids get me up and and moving and giving me some energy that I wouldn't normally have with say older people.

SPEAKER_03 16:07

I was just gonna say when you said make dinners, I was going to ask, if you didn't have to make them dinners, would you be getting up? Would you take those days and stay in bed? But they give you a little purpose in those three days. You have to get up, you've got to push through, you've got to make the dinners that they need to eat.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

It's like yeah, really push through, and their mom and dad, they really value like my help a lot.

Daily Pain, Armor Mindset, And Pacing

SPEAKER_02 16:35

They are that's so nice. How wonderful I am. The mom is constantly going, Kristen, it's gonna make me cry. Oh, I cannot do this without you. I could not do this without you. I you are so valued. I'm just trying to say that as a prepared person who deals with levels of pain and how they affect like your everyday life. Sure. And you almost prep for some of the stupidest things, you know, that may never come, right? Or you worry overly because you're not only worried for yourself but your entire family, like you're the least, right? So she's the schedule holder, you know, she's the people gatherer, she's the the cook, the nurse, you know, the therapist, the what have you. And a lot of times she doesn't get any of that, right? Right, you wear all the hats, yes. And I'm not saying that like I'm I'm holier than thou or anything. Believe me, I made a lot of mistakes, of course. I regret them, like you know, forever, but I I don't I can't carry that around, you know, right? And I don't think anybody expects me to, you know, I don't I I apologize where I need to, and I take as much accountability as I can think to, you know, a lot of times I don't see the whole picture, right? And if people want to point that out to me, I'm willing to listen, you know.

SPEAKER_03 18:12

But I don't I can't live, you know, past in the past, past no, it's not healthy. You need to let it go.

SPEAKER_02 18:21

And the decision is a lot of it's too format, you know, it's too yeah, it it doesn't present a positive thought process, and it doesn't keep me from thinking forward.

SPEAKER_03 18:35

No, and you need to forgive yourself for that time. You made decisions based on what you thought were right or in survival mode. So you may do something different now, but you're older, you're wiser, different circumstances, and you've grown from that experience, but it's in the past. Forgive yourself and you move on, make better choices. That's all you can do. It's life.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

And I know in my heart there was nothing ill will or purposeful, like I need this. So, you know, back, you know, there was that intention. So I know with how I dealt with it was exactly what you said. You know, there was no other way to configure things, so you made decisions based on that. I had to go with the lesser of two evils sometimes, you know.

SPEAKER_03 19:29

Yes, that was the girls growing up as at a young age, did they know that you were sick at any at times, or like mommy couldn't do something because you weren't feeling well or your pain was too bad? Like, how did they grow up with you?

SPEAKER_02 19:46

Okay, for for a long time, I don't even think they knew. Okay, I don't recall like mentioning it until it started to really like affect me. So, like the first couple years while trying to regulate like my medication dosages that I got on and things, and starting antidepressants and weaning myself off them and just deciding they're just not my cup of tea.

SPEAKER_05 20:12

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 20:12

Um, I don't think I wore it as much as when they got older, and I felt they needed to know kind of why sometimes I just pop off or I just get like in explode mode, not like angry to the point where I'm like, I'm gonna, you know, it was like I just need a break, you know. Yeah,

Caregiving, Purpose, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_02 20:36

I love you guys, but back off. Right. Mom needs a minute. I'll just come out and say, I'm really crabby today. You might want to stay as far away from me as possible, but I've given you fair warning. Okay, come at me, I'll probably pop off. But it's never been anything where they're like, Oh my god, mom, oh, I'm so they're packing their backpack. Right, we've always been okay, gotcha, gotcha. And I don't really think it started to get like that until I I progressed, you know. And when did you start progressing? Oh gosh, that's a very good question. I would say about okay, so technically I was diagnosed. 2009. Uh-huh. Okay. So 2008-ish. That's when I started to really feel it, but I hadn't been diagnosed with it yet. Then around 2009 is when I found the doctor that I love and has been with me and my endocrinologist. I kind of found them both at the same time. Okay. And then so that's when I started noticing like more jaw issues. Uh-huh. Because I notice when I sleep, I not drying my teeth so much as like clenching right down. Like I'm living my anger in my sleep. I don't know. But we tried mouth guards, we tried all kinds of things, and all I did was wake up with a sore jaw because I actually bite on it on purpose, you know, to like, and it was just making things worse. So I actually had to have what's called arthrosentesis, where they they take the bad fluid out of your jaw and they flush it out and get rid of like any infection or anything in there, and then they put new fluid. I I call it my oil change. Wow, it sounds like it. It was like an emergency outpatient thing because they sent me to physical therapy, and the physical therapy was actually making my my mouth go like smaller. So I he's like, Open your mouth, and I could open it about that far. And he's like, Okay, we got a problem. And so the oral surgeons, like, we need to do this procedure, and that's what I just described to you about the oil change, so to speak. And they put me out in the dental chair and proceeded to take these needles and sh it out, flush it out, and then and I actually need to have it done again because I keep this side of my this jaw on this side seems to get swollen, like for random reasons. I still have not figured it out. I talked to my dentist about it, I talked to an oral surgeon about it. I don't understand why both sides hurt, but this side seems to like go like get poofy. Wow. Yeah, it's very weird, and it gets to the point where I have to be on soft foods for a couple weeks. Yeah, it's pretty damaging. Yeah, yeah, it's and then I'm supposed to do it again, but the oral surgeon I got sent to is so bueno. And to find another one, something I wish I could go back to the other one, but he's not on my insurance. My first one because he's not on my insurance, but he was really great,

Memory Fog, Notes, And Coping Tools

SPEAKER_02 24:10

he was super, and it improved almost immediately. Like right after I started chewing a cheeseburger, I think I started crying. Oh, because I've been on scrambled eggs and soup and applesauce, yogurt, all there's yeah, that's enough, and frankly, it was just like I you would think I'd hate those things now, but I still I still need soup and you know everything else because I have to go back to that soft food, you know, right before that again, every three or four months, I would say, you know, and I'm not sure if it's something where I'm carrying a lot of stress in my jaw because I know I do that. Uh-huh. Um, I do feel like women in general do that, like carry it up here and on the shoulders on the shoulders, yeah. Yeah. So, but you know, it got to the point where it just I felt like it kept siding. So I felt like it started mainly up top here, you know, in here because of my jaw. And then I kept asking myself, Well, is it my jaw making my body feel like this, or is it my body making my jaw feel like this? Like which one started? Yeah, like one instigates the other. You know what I mean? Like I have the jaw pain, I immediately feel more pressure in my shoulders and my neck, you know, up into my head. And of course, the migraines, yes, jaw is just doesn't feel aligned right, or like, you know, I'll have these moments where the migraines, I'll wake up with one, or I'll go to sleep with one, or I'll still have one after having, you know, so that's an issue, and then people don't understand how much fibro affects like your whole system, it's the entire body from top to bottom, and so does your thyroid. You're like your thyroid is supposed to control your whole system, right? But I have no temperature gauge, so my body can fluctuate even in 90 degree weather. I can be freezing. Holy cow! Or I can be sweating on a zero-degree day. Oh, and then there's the you know, the gastro issues, you know, and just memory issues, the brain fog. Oh my goodness, the brain fog is just cruel. It's just like that is can I at least remember all of it, please, or why I'm going, or yeah, I can talk to myself out loud more now because I want to hear myself say what I'm doing next, hoping that it's kind of like a recording in my ear. Yes. Say, oh wait, think back. What was that you just said to yourself?

SPEAKER_03 27:06

It's something I write it down because I have a photographic memory, so I write it down so then I picture it, and then I did post it notes, but then I was forgetting where I was putting them. I would forget to it's real. The brain thought is real. I always forget to write it down to be able to say.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

So, like I got to the point where the note thing in your phone is like is like filled. Mine is filled with random thoughts. I kind of look at it as my journal. Yeah, that's helpful. I kind of use it for my YouTube channel. If I come up with an idea or something I want to make, or some way to make it better or more healthy, or something like that, I'll write that down, or if I come up with an episode name, because those are hard. Yeah. Or if

Menopause, Migraines, And Whole-Body Impact

SPEAKER_02 28:00

I am trying to remember a recipe or and I keep forgetting the same ingredients, or I write down my daughter's zip codes because for some reason I can remember their addresses, but not the zip code, it goes right out of my head every time. And if I say it all together, sometimes it clicks, but yeah, that memory thing is is the worst, and I do everything to make that not be scary to me because my grandma had dementia and Alzheimer's, and so in my head, you know, sometimes you just go to the worst case scenario, like, oh my god, I can't remember what I was just gonna do, and it terrifies me because I can sit down and I'm like, sometimes I don't never come back. Sometimes I go to the doctor and I want to mention things that but at the moment aren't hurting, and then when I leave, I automatically just go, oh I'm so sorry because I didn't remember that that has been bothering me, this, that, or the other thing, whatever. Right. So that's aggravating to me. And then I find that if I read things about symptoms of my disease, I feel like my body automatically adopts them. Like really, yeah, like I feel like I'm giving it a suggestion, and my body is taking way too many liberties with what it can adopt and what it can't. Because I think of it as a like a demon, you know, kind of in my system, you know, an entity, yes, you know, that every once in a while I'd like to expel. Yes, people you say, I really wish I could get out of my skin for five minutes, and they don't understand what that means. But honestly, I say to myself, I hope that if I have it, it prevents somebody else from having it.

SPEAKER_03 29:55

Yes, I like to think that way too. Can't believe that this actually exists and it's like a long-term suffering for with no cure.

SPEAKER_02 30:03

No, you know, you're just supposed to be okay because okay, you don't have cancer, and you don't have this or that or the other thing that has a treatment, right? And it's I don't want to deny anything to anyone by any means, but it's just like I just want uh a little something, yeah. I don't want it to be a prescription medication. I I I wish it was something I could physically do, right to you, or something how I ate would make it alleviate itself, or if I just ignored it, it would go away for 10 minutes. And sometimes I feel like that when I take a nice Epsom bath, which are just heaven, oh my god, you get me in one of those, I think I'm in there for a good hour and a half because I make the water so freaking hot that I'm surprised I'm not jumping out with like blisters on my skin. I

Relief Rituals: Baths, Stretching, And Acupuncture

SPEAKER_02 31:05

just enjoy how it it releases that pain pinch kind of yeah, that that like tightness. When I step into that bath with that extremely hot water, it immediately goes and I just want to live in there forever.

SPEAKER_03 31:26

It gives you that mental break or just that little bit of time to recharge and restart. It gives you that break and that you need.

SPEAKER_02 31:37

Couldn't do it without the Epsoms. I could not do it. I use Village Natural Therapies, and they are brilliant, they have like essential stuff in them. Um, and they have one called Comfort, and it's just beautiful. Is it on Amazon? Yep, you can get it on Amazon, you can get it on their website. I love it. It's called Comfort, it's purple bag for the Epsom salts, and then they also have a body wash, and I use it as a bubble bath. The sleep has been an issue for for I don't know how long. Yeah, that one really, and we all know we rejuvenate, rejuvenate that way, you know. That's how your body recuperates is to sleep it off, as I like to say. You know, you're sleeping it off, but when your body has that break of, oh, okay, all of a sudden I just need to be awake, right? 347 in the morning, somehow my body thinks that that's a really great time to pop up and go, okay, what are we doing? And I really want to know what we're doing because two seconds ago I was dead asleep, but I can easily and it I know that I need that sleep, and I know I've done a good preparation across the board to try and get that sleep, but I know sometimes the body has different ideas when it's being attacked like that.

SPEAKER_03 33:07

And then I'm going through menopause as well, so that's a trigger.

SPEAKER_02 33:11

But when I first noticed that it, you know, that the menopause had started, it's just like you're keeping those hormones in your system for longer. I mean, that's gotta be a detriment, you know, that's gotta be a positive thing, you would think, right? Yeah. So, but 50 hit, and that's when it happened. Like it was just felt like it all started, and then that's when the body aches started getting a little, a little more intense, you know. Okay. A little more they could be a little bit more powerful, they're a little bit more stabby, I would say, you know, like in the joints. Sometimes I can have like this sharp shooting pain that like stabs you in the wrist and then like shoots down your hand, or your your ankles that day feel super tight and super like not functional, like they're not allowing the movement, right? They're immobile in a sense. I mean, I know I can move my feet, right? Seem like they move okay, but when I start to move the joints, like when I do my

Denial, High Pain Tolerance, And Movement

SPEAKER_02 34:15

fingers and I do crochets, so a lot of times I'm just like, why am I doing crochet? Right, but it is a it's a cathartic thing for me. But sure, it does take some like, you know, I can only go some so long before I'm you know doing a lot of self-myofascial kind of release type, you know, where you're just kind of squeezing and releasing, squeezing and releasing. Uh-huh. And I feel like I get that same sensation when I take like the Epsom bats, like it's super tight, and then you get that release. But then I feel like as soon as you get out, it's like yeah, you got about 10 minutes enjoying it. I used to love chiropractic and this and the stem that you know, the tens machines. And then I also loved acupuncture. Yeah, love, love, love, love it. But as soon as you take the needles out and you go home, that drive home is stressful enough. I, you know, you already lost me, and I'm already, you know, at this heightened sense of awareness, I feel like, right? Right. Your body's a buzz when you're already in pain. Like I feel there's this low-level humming, like coming out of all the pain areas, right?

SPEAKER_03 35:26

That's what I say.

SPEAKER_02 35:27

A vibration you can feel the vibration, and it's not a nice one, like if the massage, it would be great, right? Yeah, but it's not, it's this intense kind of it almost feels like you're getting constantly stung by bees a little bit, like that heat in your joints is just so intense, and then those joints, if you could move them, would just probably feel better, but they just they lock up on you.

SPEAKER_03 35:57

Do you have any good days, or is there always a level of pain for you?

SPEAKER_02 36:03

That's a good question. I would say on average, I always have a dull pain. A dull humming pain. A dull humming pain, yeah, that's just below the surface, right? I don't think it's other people's fault that I'm in pain, but I also try to explain to them how it feels, and sometimes when they don't understand, it just doesn't hurt me, but it aggravates me because I I can't explain it good enough. And if they don't understand, it just makes me so angry. Like it's very frustrating. Why can you not see what this does to me? I would say I I I pretty much raised myself in general. Like I did a lot of my own my own way. I I would explain that more, but the the trauma behind it is still something I'm kind of working with, is it's childhood trauma.

SPEAKER_03 37:08

And it's not anything like you would think, it's just like it's your trauma, yeah. It's your trauma, it doesn't matter if your trauma is bigger or trauma.

SPEAKER_02 37:20

So much, I wish somebody could explain it to other people because they don't seem to get that.

SPEAKER_03 37:28

So that's why I'm doing this podcast, and that's why and I so appreciate that.

SPEAKER_02 37:35

You do not know how excited I got when I thought or knew I was gonna get to tell my story because it's just like all everybody hears is oh, you're in pain, oh you're in pain, oh you're in pain, but they don't hear what I'm how I'm saying it, like like this is crushing to me. Like I took care of myself, you know. I can imagine where I would be if I didn't take care of myself. Like I feel that I would be so much worse. I would be so much

Spirals, Self-Talk, And Nature Walks

SPEAKER_02 38:05

worse. I have a bunny rabbit also. Okay. That really really saved me. How did he save you? Well, just the quiet part like I stopped talking and defending myself, you know. I stopped thinking that I had to put up this front and that I'm this, you know, this person that can do anything. Just ask me, and you know, I'll make that for you and I'll do this for you. And I started to not be able to do that anymore. And I I just had to start to quiet myself. I kind of just introvert, not not stay inside myself, but just stay inside and just think about everything, you know. I kind of just did my memoirs in my head in a sense. Okay. Like I went through everything and I and I went through with I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that, I'm okay with that, I'm okay with that. Me, I'm okay with that. That's all that matters. In this moment in time, that's got to be pretty much all that matters. Because in the end, if I start worrying all the time about other people that don't worry about me, I don't have the time.

SPEAKER_04 39:30

It's too exhausting.

SPEAKER_03 39:32

Did you go to therapy for all of this, or are you just so in tune to your body and your thoughts that you have? I mean, you're doing I've been to therapy before. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 39:43

Many years ago, probably before I got married. And then I tried therapy again, and it was one and done with the woman that just wasn't for you at that time, yeah. At that time, and I wasn't into looking for something else. And it's I ironic that you asked me that because I just the other day did a consult with a therapist, and I'm going to be starting again. Okay, a lot of the work I have literally done myself. You've done a great job. Thank you. It's nice to hear it. Is something that is work, it is journaling, and I do my journaling sessions got to be kind of far apart because as I write, I notice things that and while I write, I press kind of hard and it gets a little hard to do. A little aggressive. Yeah. So I started to not be able to write physically write things down. So that's why I was saying the note things on my phone, yeah, started becoming this lifeline for me.

SPEAKER_03 40:45

Now, on the not to bring you backwards, but you got diagnosed. I feel was that more of a relief that you had a diagnosis to all this pain and things that were going on in your body, or was it more of a devastation that made you just want to curl up?

SPEAKER_02 41:06

That's so funny because I was just before I came on, I was like, okay, what did I think about it? Like I would say

Assembling A Tribe And Teaching Her Daughters

SPEAKER_02 41:15

for the most part, I was in denial about how much it was going to affect me. Oh like, and I still feel like that's part of the reason why I don't look up additional like symptoms or side effects or what have you from whatever. Yeah. Um, is I probably lived in a good state of denial for a while because I felt like I lived above it pretty well. Like I was on a good trajectory, you know. But then I noticed like I kept slipping, and then when I'd come back, I wasn't coming back all the way, you know, like even during my personal training days and things. Like I would be stretching, is my friend. I find stretching completely amazing. Like, if you can stretch long enough to get that rubber band to kind of release in your body, yeah, it's just this amazing kind of release, it helps. Yeah, it really it's something that only lasts for seconds, but I will take it, you know, and I'm constantly doing, you know, I'm going like this, and I got one of those little hand things where I'm constantly digging in, and I can handle a good amount of pain. Like I always thought that people just thought I was this, I don't want to say wuss, but that you have like a low pain tolerance, right? And I actually have an overly high pain tolerance because like I can totally ignore something for as much as I need to, right? But as soon as I sit down and give it some uh oxygen, yeah, then it's on. So people don't understand that when you're when you're doing that, you're not doing it because you're happy about it. I don't go around buzzing around all day, it's you know, constantly moving and doing things. I think to myself, I don't really want to be doing this, but if I'm not doing this, I'm doing something to feel sorry for myself. Okay, that's how I look at it. Is if I'm in sitting mode, I feel like I'm having a pity party. And I don't want to give it that amount of oxygen, like it needs to be snuffed out, it does not need to be, you know, given it life encouragement. I don't I don't like that. I don't like that it has so much of my time. Like, I don't he it didn't earn it, right? That's true. It didn't say, excuse me, um, I keep buying a visit. Is it okay if I stay for the rest of your freaking life? No, you didn't ask, you didn't get permission, you know, like this isn't right. And I know a lot of people that have illnesses and and they don't have to be painful illnesses. They die, but I think with illness comes pain. I don't know of any other way, to be honest, because this is what I deal with. So I just assume and I think, okay, if everybody has some level

Not Letting Pain Define Identity

SPEAKER_02 44:20

of pain, right? Whether it's mental, physical, emotional, there is going to be something for someone, right? So I've got to say to myself, okay, you're not the only one on this boat. I've got to be just as sympathetic, empathetic to the next person that can't explain to me the way they feel either, right?

SPEAKER_05 44:43

Right.

SPEAKER_02 44:44

But I don't think of it that way when I'm already on this heightened sense of awareness, like thing, it doesn't come to your head. The first thing that comes to your head is crap, I'm stressed and I didn't get any sleep, and you know, I'm not hungry, or I'm so hungry, but I can't chew, or you know, there's so many things that have to come before that.

SPEAKER_03 45:07

That it's it's so it's very hard. I mean, you seem to be so strong. Do you ever just have a really bad day and spiral down? I have lots of them. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 45:21

I have a ton of them.

SPEAKER_03 45:24

Okay. Are they moments? Are they stretches of days?

SPEAKER_02 45:28

They can be stretches of days, they can be a good, especially after something that's happened to me traumatically, like the biopsy. So for that, I will just sit and not do anything as a self-care type tactic. Right. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 45:44

I had already more of a recovery, I think. It's like you're recovering from this procedure. But like you ever just get up and you feel kind of sorry for yourself that this is your life now. And this is what I have to look forward to. How do you get out of that type of day?

The Best Blessed Life: Positivity And YouTube

SPEAKER_02 46:05

Well, a lot of it has to do with one, I look at my animals, they they help a lot. Two, I try to get outside, even if it's just to breathe some fresh air and come right back inside. Okay. Based on the weather, if I'm cold, uh that's no bueno. But if I can get out and walk my dog around the block a couple of times, I talk to him. I do a lot of self-talking. Like if I am in the house, I am talking myself out of let's like, okay, think let's think about this. Like, what's going on? Why do you feel like this? A lot of it is just sleep related or sleep deprivation, I feel like.

SPEAKER_03 46:44

Yeah, but we don't sleep.

SPEAKER_02 46:45

So right. Or you just gotta do you just gotta, you still gotta keep going. So in my head, I'm constantly going, okay, I gotta, okay, I gotta go, I gotta make dinner, or I gotta, you know, I gotta go pick up stuff for the the you know, whoever, or and then the kids, the babysitting that has turned me around, like yeah, like they are the cutest little people, and I think of them as my family, and they're my my other little family. I I just love them to pieces. That's your life force, getting up every day for them. Oh my gosh, and if I'm not babysitting that day, I'm thinking about what we're gonna be doing the next time I babysitting. And then uh the mom is just like, you don't understand what you guys do for us, and I'm like, You don't understand what you do for me, what they do for you, yeah. I go, your kids are the same thing. They're giving you a good purpose, they really do, and they're sweet kids, and they go, Kristen, you're the best, and we love you, and you're the best babysitter. And then the girl says to me, Kristen, you're my superhero.

SPEAKER_04 47:58

Yeah, you are if I can do it for them, I will.

SPEAKER_02 48:05

Like I like doing things for other people, I don't think, unless they take advantage of me. Yeah, then you have crossed my boundaries. Sure. That is the newest thing I've learned. That is something that has been so invaluable to me and has probably made me feel a little bit better about how I take care of myself, is that I have had to set boundaries because I've had conversations with people and they're not registering. Yeah, so I'm

Gratitude, Support, And Closing Reflections

SPEAKER_02 48:40

out. Yeah. I'm sorry, I've explained it to you 17 ways from Sunday. And and while I know you can't appreciate or understand my pain, I would appreciate it if you understand that I do not feel good and what you're doing and saying and how you're acting towards me is not conducive to my feeling better. When you are empathetic, you too tend to pick up people that take advantage of that. And I am too aware now, as I've gotten older, and I have found people that treat me with respect. I keep telling my daughters, I'm like, I'm assembling my tribe, you guys. I'm getting my tribe together. This is that's a good feeling, isn't it? It is because you know the people that are rooting for you. I feel like also I'm teaching my girls how to be grown women and to not tolerate things that are not good for them. Right. Or to not put up with things that people feel is okay to push the buttons a little. It's okay. Right. And you gotta set that example, and I and at some point it's just like if I respect myself enough, and that takes a lot, like it does, I didn't know self-respect was so hard to find. Like that's blowing to me. Yeah, but I thought I had this level of self-respect when I really just was looking to make other people happy around me so that there would be no conflict. And in and in essence, a perfectionist and probably of ADHD. And you know, I don't like leaving things unfinished, but I often do because I walk away from things that become overwhelming a little bit sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 50:47

But do you come back to it? I mean, maybe you're not gonna be able to do it. What if I realize it's true value? So you walk away and you regroup your thoughts.

SPEAKER_02 50:58

Yeah, and if I don't realize it's true value, then a lot of times I'm upset about it if I have have let it go and it was something I didn't really want to. My nature is like such a good place for me that I just do it out in the open out loud while I'm on a walk. I'm grateful that I'm up and able to walk around. Yes, for sure. I'm grateful that I think about these things when they're happening. Like I gotta appreciate that I'm still walking, that I'm still talking, that I still know who I am, and I still know where I am, and I still know what I'm doing. And I I still appreciate like waking up every day, and whether it's cloudy or sunny or whatever, it's still you're still up every day, you know. And I'm still grateful that in my mind I will not allow myself to uh sit for too long in that in that pity in the dark hole, yeah, because it can really it can really grab hold of you, yeah. You're not paying attention, you'll think you're living at this high functioning level and all this business, and you think you're being out cool and everything, and you really, really not. You're really no, we wear a mask every day. Yeah, you're seething. If people could, if I could take the skin off and they could see like what it really feels like, like you would look at somebody that was battered and bruised, right? Like that's what it feels like. Like you went through, you got drugged through a knot hole backwards, you know. That old saying, like, I feel like you just been people have just been tugging on you and tugging at you, you know, like your whole life. And it's like you just get through this hole, and all you got are all these warms, right? It's just like, okay, now I've done this for everyone else. If I don't start doing something and focusing on taking better care of myself, right? Like this is I'm gonna go down the rabbit hole. Like, you know, you gotta start walking again.

SPEAKER_03 53:12

Kristen, is there anything else of your story that you wanted to share today? Did you get to cover everything that you wanted to share?

SPEAKER_02 53:22

I think so. I think I would say for the most part that I don't want the pain to define me. I don't think it's who I am, even if it's what I'm saying to you, like on a constant basis, like I'm sitting here reminding you that I'm in pain, maybe. Yeah, it is not who I want to project myself to be, nor what I want you to see on my face. So maybe that's a good thing when you say I don't look sick. But I also hate that I have to keep repeating myself. Like, oh, I can't do that because I have fibro, or I can't eat that because I'm allergic, or I can't, you know. So that gets monotonous, and I know people get tired of hearing it, but if you heard me the first time, I wouldn't have to keep repeating myself. So who's the bad guy?

SPEAKER_03 54:12

I understand that that's a struggle for a lot of people.

SPEAKER_02 54:16

It is, and so while you want people to remember you're sick, you don't want them to think you look sick or you're carrying yourself or you're milking it. Like I don't want to milk it. I I feel I owe it its due course, and I do feel as if when I am in in a in a state where it's just like, mm-mm, no, don't do it, then don't do it. Yeah. And you have to shut down your thought process, like, I really need to get up and do this because I gotta get it done and da-da-da-da-da. But it's just like, no, like if you're in pain and you know you're in more pain than you were yesterday, and you really need to shut it down, yeah, like do what you need to do.

SPEAKER_03 55:00

Listen to your body. You have it is telling you everything you need to know. Everything. Like, did you want me to mention your YouTube channel and put that out there for you? That would be awesome. It's called the best blessed life. I think I saw that on your email. The best blessed life. I love it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:26

So what it all was based on was not just about like getting exercise and you know, getting eating better or making things that are bad for you better for you, you know, by alterating it, alternating it or fixing it or making it somehow different or with different ingredients, but it was also finding a happy medium where it was like okay to be a little naughty if you wanted to like, you know, eat a little something because it wasn't so bad for you, you know. Right. But you gotta think that it's like cheating because then it's like plays a trick with your mind, you know. But I always try to find like the positive thing. So all my stories, Instagram and Facebook, are positive affirmation. Like this year it was all positive affirmations. Last year it was positive quotes. Okay first started, it was positive words. So I keep, you know, building on that. So next year I've already decided it's gonna be like positive compliments that you can give like other people to make them feel better. Because I've always told my girls, like, if you see somebody and they are dressed like fire, like freaking tell them they look like fire, like they look look beautiful. I think women, especially women, need to do that for each other. Like, we need to tell each other, oh, your hair looks great, or you're really a sweet person, or I love that you're always there when I need to say something like that's not so nice to someone, and I need to bounce it off if you're gonna be able to do it. Yeah, for sure. Like, I think we need that in our lives, and I feel like we are need to be each other's cheerleaders and and we need to push each other like positively, like I feel like in a sense, like there's a good amount of females out there that would just exactly like to be out there for themselves than to just say, Hey, you need help, I'm on board, I will do, you know, tell me what I can do. Right. I'm the first one to go, hey, I need help. Could you help me for a second? But I'm also the first one to put my hand up if you need you're the one that needs help.

SPEAKER_03 57:32

Like, and that's why the world is a better place with you in it. You're that person. So sweet. This was so fun. I'm so glad you agreed to do this. And I mean, honestly, people are really gonna get a lot from you today, and I'm just so excited to have met you.

SPEAKER_02 57:52

I'm excited to have met you too. Good success with your book, sorry. Good success with your book and everything you're doing and bringing this to light, I think, is amazing. And I appreciate you for doing this. I think it's way past due. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 58:10

I hope you're a good person to do it. I think thank you. Thank you so much. So take care of yourself. I know you have to get up and stretch. Right, you too. Yes, for sure. Thank you so much, Kristen, and we'll talk again soon. Sounds good, Michelle.